[RADIOLAB INTRO]

JAD ABUMRAD: Wait, do we want to—we should run on just a classic intro.

ROBERT KRULWICH: Sure.

JAD: Hey, I'm Jad.

ROBERT: And I'm Robert. This is the Radiolab ...

JAD: Podcast.

ROBERT: Yes, the podcast.

JAD: And I gotta be honest, I have no idea what we're about to do.

ROBERT: This is a ...

JAD: Whoa. What's this? Are we on a boat?

ROBERT: No, but we're gonna be. This actually—story actually starts in a supermarket.

JAD: Why did you give me the boat? As a tease?

ROBERT: Yes, it's a tease. It's a classic tease.

JAD: So give me some supermarket, then.

PAT WALTERS: I'll give you some supermarket.

ROBERT: That's Pat Walters. I asked Pat a few weeks ago to ...

JAD: Hi Pat, by the way.

ROBERT: Oh, yes. Pat Walters's a regular person here.

JAD: Pat is one of our producers.

ROBERT: I said we're going—I want him to look for stories about old lobsters.

JAD: Why?

ROBERT: Well, I'm not gonna tell you that right now, but you'll see later on why.

JAD: Come on, give me a hint.

ROBERT: No, I'm not gonna give you a hint. But he found a lady.

PAT: If you could just introduce yourself.

BONNIE HAZEN: What do you want me to say?

PAT: Whatever you want to say.

BONNIE HAZEN: Okay. Hi, I'm Bonnie Hazen. I'm a registered nurse. And ...

PAT: And Bonnie told us a pretty crazy story.

BONNIE HAZEN: But just to tell you briefly, what happened was I had just gone to our grocery store.

PAT: Just any old day? It wasn't a ...

BONNIE HAZEN: Just any old day. Nothing special about that day.

PAT: And where is this? Where is this, just ...

BONNIE HAZEN: In McMurray where I live. Little McMurray, Pennsylvania. We're about 15 miles south of Pittsburgh.

PAT: Okay.

BONNIE HAZEN: And ...

ROBERT: The year, Jad is 19 ...

PAT: 1990. August of 1990.

BONNIE HAZEN: So I was looking around, you know, admiring the new seafood department. And I notice this tank ...

PAT: A lobster tank.

BONNIE HAZEN: And there were only two lobsters in the tank.

PAT: One she says was really small. But the other one ...

BONNIE HAZEN: This huge behemoth that was just so massive.

PAT: How big is big in this case?

BONNIE HAZEN: He was like from the tip of my finger to my elbow.

PAT: Oh!

JAD: That's big.

PAT: Yeah, so she sees this big lobster, and she's like, "That tank is way too small."

ROBERT: She thought the lobster looked cramped.

BONNIE HAZEN: Yeah!

PAT: So she goes over to the guy behind the seafood counter, and she's like ...

BONNIE HAZEN: I asked somebody, "Well, what are you gonna do with this big lobster?" And he kind of just let me know that it was a promotional for the new seafood department.

PAT: Oh.

PAT: Like, it was just this big lobster that would get sent around to different supermarkets when they wanted to attract attention.

BONNIE HAZEN: You know, I just made a few more inquiries and worked my way up to the store manager. And he referred me to the vice president of the chain, and ...

PAT: Oh, straight away?

BONNIE HAZEN: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Because they didn't—they couldn't answer my question. I probably was a little bit of a pain.

PAT: Right.

BONNIE HAZEN: Like, what are you gonna do with him?

ROBERT: This is the moment where the manager of the store decides okay, we have a complaining lady. I think I can solve the problem. He makes her an offer.

BONNIE HAZEN: The bottom line was that I could have him if I could arrange for him to return to Maine.

JAD: She could have him if she could somehow get him back to Maine?

ROBERT: Mm-hmm.

BONNIE HAZEN: To Maine.

ROBERT: I don't know why. I guess all lobsters are from Maine, he thought. So that's the offer.

BONNIE HAZEN: Like, okay, how do I do that?

JAD: That's a good question.

ROBERT: Is this an unusual experience? I mean, this is one case.

TREVOR CORSON: This—this actually has a long history of people rescuing large lobsters.

ROBERT: That's Trevor Corson, he's the author of, what is it, The Secret Life of Lobsters?

PAT: Yeah, The Secret Life of Lobsters.

TREVOR CORSON: Some people may remember the story of Mary Tyler Moore.

ROBERT: No, I don't ...

TREVOR CORSON: In 1994, Mary Tyler Moore developed a crush on a large lobster, 12-pounder.

ROBERT: Who was named Mr. Grant?

TREVOR CORSON: No. He was named Spike.

ROBERT: Spike?

TREVOR CORSON: In Malibu, California, in a restaurant called Gladstone's, she put up $1,000 for the right to rescue him.

ROBERT: Wow!

TREVOR CORSON: A thousand dollars! And then Rush Limbaugh heard about this, and he called the restaurant and offered $2,000 for the right to eat Spike.

ROBERT: Well, so what did the restaurant do then?

TREVOR CORSON: It refused.

ROBERT: It refused.

TREVOR CORSON: Still refused. And there's been other cases since then.

PAT: Trevor told us that he's actually read about dozens of these lobster rescue stories.

ROBERT: But our lobster story is the original lobster story.

JAD: The very first!

ROBERT: I don't want to make the claim forever for sure, but I'm just saying is that if you Googled it, this is your opening lobster.

JAD: All right.

ROBERT: So it's still 1990.

JAD: Yeah.

ROBERT: Bonnie, having now left the supermarket, she's at home thinking now, "Hmm."

BONNIE HAZEN: And I really—I didn't know what to do.

JAD: And she doesn't have the lobster yet.

PAT: She has no lobster yet.

BONNIE HAZEN: That was when I started calling some of the local animal organizations, Animal Rescue League, and the ASPCA. Just locally trying to see if there was anybody out there that could help. And there really wasn't. They're—they're more into mammals.

PAT: They've probably never even heard of such a thing.

BONNIE HAZEN: No. No. They basically told me forget it.

JAD: So, what are we talking weeks of research here?

PAT: Seven hours.

JAD: Really?

BONNIE HAZEN: Oh, I was on the phone for hours.

PAT: Little obsessed.

BONNIE HAZEN: But I had the time and it was kind of fun.

JAD: So this had become a project for her.

ROBERT: Yeah, it's a project.

JAD: Yeah.

BONNIE HAZEN: So then I called the Cousteau Society, because I was a member of the Cousteau Society. And they suggested I call our local newspaper.

JAD: Ah, the press.

BONNIE HAZEN: The article appeared Saturday morning paper.

PAT: Oh, really?

BONNIE HAZEN: I have it right here. Cruisin' Crustacean.

PAT: Cruising, like cruise—like, cruise?

BONNIE HAZEN: Yeah, not "Cruising," but "Cruisin','" C-R-U-I-S-I-N. Crustacean. "McMurray Woman Talks Supermarket Into Releasing Large Lobster." I really didn't talk with them. I'm just quoting now. "Yes, it's a long story. It began Friday morning when Mrs. Hazen entered the Giant Eagle Supermarket. There in the store's newly-opened seafood section she encountered Nick."

JAD: Nick?

PAT: Oh, the lobster has a name.

BONNIE HAZEN: Nick.

JAD: Nick.

BONNIE HAZEN: "Nick, clearly the king of crustaceans, was lounging in a large circular saltwater tank along with several lesser lobsters." There was just the little one.

PAT: Yeah.

BONNIE HAZEN: "Something in the way Nick moved spoke to Mrs. Hazen, so she spoke to several Giant Eagle employees. Mrs. Hazen, who describes herself as environmentally active, told them she thought Nick might be happier back home in Maine than on someone's CorningWare." I really didn't say that. "'Don't worry,' Mrs. Hazen was told. Nick was a professional lobster. 70 years old."

JAD: 70 years old?

BONNIE HAZEN: Yeah.

TREVOR CORSON: Well, we don't actually know. There's no way to technically age a lobster perfectly. Estimates are from fifty to a hundred years for those big suckers.

JAD: Wow!

BONNIE HAZEN: "I'm not an environ—" I didn't say this. "I'm not an environmental crazy. I eat lobster, but I think they're over-harvested. Nick must be set free." I didn't say that either.

PAT: I see you pounding your fist on a desk. "Nick must be set free!"

BONNIE HAZEN: "'They told me I could have Nick if I promised to take him to the ocean.' Mrs. Hazen has no money for such a trip." Sounds like I'm destitute. Anyway, I guess that's what appeared then in the Saturday paper.

PAT: And that could have been the end of it. But ...

BONNIE HAZEN: Saturday morning, we got an early phone call. And there was this woman on the other end of the line.

TONI LEONE: I'm Toni Leone.

BONNIE HAZEN: And she was saying she was in town ...

TONI LEONE: For my dad's funeral.

BONNIE HAZEN: And she was returning that afternoon to Maine.

JAD: No!

ROBERT: Yes!

JAD: To Maine?

ROBERT: Portland, Maine.

TONI LEONE: So I figured I'll just bring him back with me.

ROBERT: But why would you even think to do something like that?

TONI LEONE: Because he was a massive lobster in a teeny-weeny tank that literally he could barely move in.

ROBERT: Now there's one other thing: remember, she was back in Pittsburgh for her dad's funeral.

ROBERT: So was this in any way an homage to your dad?

TONI LEONE: Oh my God, he loved lobster. He absolutely loved to eat lobster.

ROBERT: To eat lobster?

TONI LEONE: Yeah, he would eat them like crazy.

ROBERT: But he also loved that his oldest daughter would do things that none of his other kids would ever do.

TONI LEONE: Yeah, he would know that I would do something like that. He would expect me to do something like that.

ROBERT: So anyway, Toni and Bonnie, they're on the phone.

PAT: And at first, Bonnie is actually a little suspicious.

BONNIE HAZEN: I said, "Are you sure you're not just saying that to eat him?" Because I mean—you know?

TONI LEONE: I said, "No, I wouldn't eat anything this big. He's—you know, he's too old."

BONNIE HAZEN: Oh, she reassured me and she sounded very nice. So we agreed to meet at Giant Eagle. Of course now, I'm getting my daughter, my youngest daughter. "Oh, we gotta hurry up! Hurry up! Get up and dressed! We gotta go to Giant Eagle!"

TONI LEONE: And the woman met us at the store.

BONNIE HAZEN: Because she had a, I think it was a two o'clock flight or something like that.

TONI LEONE: She was there with the manager, and ...

BONNIE HAZEN: I didn't know there was gonna be a photographer there from a local TV station in Pittsburgh. Anyway, Toni bought the biggest Styrofoam cooler she could find.

TONI LEONE: Which really still was a little too small for him.

BONNIE HAZEN: He could barely fit.

TONI LEONE: But we got him in there, taped it up as best we could.

BONNIE HAZEN: Put him in a van and away they went.

TONI LEONE: When we got to the airport, we get up to the reservation desk, handed him to the stewardess and she put him in a chair in first class.

ROBERT: What kind of a—wait a second!

TONI LEONE: We were in coach. This lobster's up in first class.

ROBERT: [laughs]

ROBERT: So the plane then touches down in Portland, Maine, where the wildlife police are waiting.

TONI LEONE: Again.

ROBERT: Is anyone able to determine what everyone here seems to have assumed, that this lobster comes from Maine?

TONI LEONE: No. In fact, it probably wasn't caught here.

ROBERT: Why do you say that?

TONI LEONE: In Maine, you can't catch big lobsters like that. That's illegal.

TREVOR CORSON: Because the big lobsters are the ones that make more babies.

ROBERT: Oh!

TONI LEONE: They have size limits that they have on their lobsters.

ROBERT: So you are bringing a lobster then to a venue that you reasonably suspect is a foreign place.

TONI LEONE: It's a foreign country.

PAT: Wow!

TONI LEONE: But he could make friends.

ROBERT: So the next morning ...

TONI LEONE: The Harbor Patrol called and said, "Do you want to go with us? We're gonna put him in the water." So we jumped on their boat.

PAT: And a newspaper reporter went out in the boat with them that morning, too.

BONNIE HAZEN: Okay. So this is from Maine.

PAT: Bonnie read it to us.

BONNIE HAZEN: "Just after 1:00 pm, as the Marine Patrol boat docked in 30 feet of water, Toni Leone carefully drops Nick over the side. She watched him sink in the choppy fog-shrouded waters, then grinned. 'I'm glad he made it.'" Isn't that nice?

ROBERT: It is nice. But here's the real deep question here. When we look at our fellow creatures and we decide well, who can we—who do we want to protect? We include some groups and we exclude others. Seems almost entirely arbitrary. For example, why would someone save this lobster?

TREVOR CORSON: Yeah. I mean, a lobster is not cuddly by any stretch of the imagination. Certainly not soft.

ROBERT: I mean, was it—was it its beauty? Well?

TREVOR CORSON: I actually think that—that lobsters are very attractive.

PAT: Really?

ROBERT: Do you always think that?

TREVOR CORSON: I have always thought, you know, they're—a lobster is like—it's—how can I say this appropriately for radio? They're muscular and curvaceous at the same time. They're like Popeye arms, those claws. And then there's that nice curving tail, and I just think that lobsters are ...

ROBERT: Do you have like a hunky lobster calendar? Lobsters of 2008?

TREVOR CORSON: I'm not—I'm not talking about that on the radio.

ROBERT: [laughs]

JAD: That's—that's just weird. That can't be the reason why people keep saving lobsters.

BONNIE HAZEN: No.

ROBERT: No, I don't ...

JAD: So what is it?

TREVOR CORSON: I think that it has partly to do with our obsession with longevity.

ROBERT: Hmm.

TREVOR CORSON: When it's—when it's one that's that big and that old, suddenly the rules are changed. Here is—here is a creature, you know, that has made it through all the tests of life, and it deserves our respect now.

BONNIE HAZEN: He was—he was unique. He was special, and I just felt that, I don't know, he just didn't deserve to be in that tank at his age.

PAT: Yeah.

BONNIE HAZEN: Everything kind of converged at that moment. And that's the only way I can explain it is just kind of went with it.

JAD: A story about lobsters. Thank you, Pat.

ROBERT: I thought of dropping Pat into the ocean along with Nick, but when I had him upside down I realized he was kind of attractive in his own right, and ...

PAT: As if you could pick me up.

ROBERT: [laughs]

[LISTENER: Hi, my name is Maggie Miller. I'm from Cazenovia, New York, and I'm a Radiolab listener. The Radiolab podcast is funded in part by the Sloan Foundation]

[ANSWERING MACHINE: End of message.]

 

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